He loved her, she loved Lucien, and Lucien loved hats. A strange sort of man, Lucien was, but she had never fallen for the conventional sort of fellow. This was unfortunate for Doug: he was the most normal of their entire group. His hobbies included reading the phone book and playing Bridge with old ladies on the weekends, so, tragically, he was a bit dull as well. Willow never really noticed Doug, despite his best attempts at wooing her with fancy card tricks that always seemed to fall apart. They had been the best of friends for many years, but our sad hero had always been overshadowed by his love’s seemingly constant train of bizarre infatuations, with Lucien merely the latest in this long line of mohawked rockers and bohemian layabouts. Previously, Doug had been able to find amiable qualities in even the worst of Willow’s beaus in attempts to pacify his longing for their enviable positions, but Lucien- with his insatiable passion for headwear- was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. While previous suitors had at least held some affection for his dear friend, Lucien ignored her person entirely, instead immersing himself in the world of wide brims and outlandish feathers.
           Doug knew fully well what he had to do, or at least, he sincerely hoped he did.